Hipsters Unite, or whatever...

The Goths of the 1990’s and Emo kids of the 2000’s have either joined society as productive citizens or the newest popular social movement. Enter the hipsters, easily identified by unwashed, androgynous hair styles and hand-made T-shirts bearing quotes from movies YOU have never heard of. A room temperature Pabst Blue Ribbon in hand, hipsters usually gather in uncool places and converse about uncool topics, because it is cool for them to do so. Hipsters have three prominent characteristics: they use the word “irony” incessantly (and often incorrectly), avoid anything considered culturally “mainstream”, and have a fashion sense that hovers somewhere between homeless cartoon-pirate and seventeenth century scientist. When driving by the record store, you might ask yourself, “are those people standing outside hipsters?” The following essay can help you make the distinction.

 

Let the profiling begin: members of the hipster culture love the word “irony”. First of all, the definition of the word irony (using verbiage that implies an opposite meaning, often for the effect of humor) is usually lost on this crowd. They apply the word to any situation that could be considered remotely coincidental, then pat each other on the back for being so ironic and creative. Hipsters might even refer to burnt toast as ironic, in an ironic manner. Confused yet? Secondly, hipsters bring irony to whole new level by labeling inanimate objects as symbols of irony. T-shirts with no words or graphics are ironic T-shirts (I thought they were Hanes). A piano bench with a piece of barn wood sitting on it can be ironic as well. I wonder how many ironic objects I have in my home right now; I could be sitting on a mountain of irony and not even know it. Thirdly, any mustache (real or fake) is now an ironic mustache to the hipster. A sharpie mustache drawn on a person or object is considered especially ironic for some reason. I googled “ironic mustache” and received 1,300,000 results from my request. That is quite a few ironic mustaches.

 

 

In addition to misplaced irony, the hipster movement subscribes to a particular and delicately balanced fan base. To begin, hipsters prefer “underground” pop-culture and abhor anything that can be considered “mainstream” or popular. They sing the praises of bands, books, and movies that average people have never heard of. Once their favorite hipster heroes become popular and start collecting paychecks, they are quickly abandoned by their hipster brethren. The sense of irony is lost on the culture responsible for placing those heroes in the public spotlight. In addition to simply avoiding mainstream pop-culture, hipsters spend huge chunks of time rehashing how they were in to “fill in the blank” before anyone else. Instead of celebrating the fact that their cultural movement is responsible for their heroes becoming famous, hipsters label their former idols as “sell-outs” and the newer, mainstream fan base as “drones”. The final result of the above mentioned pop-culture process is a race to first find an artist of some kind that no one else has heard of, then claim in it the name of hipsters everywhere only to denounce it three months later when the average people catch on. It is a vicious pop-culture circle in the hipster world (is it ironic that the “pop” in pop-culture stands for popular?).

The final identifying trait of the hipster is a unique sense of fashion that is neither unique or fashion. To begin, hipsters love Steampunk and Steampunk accessories. For those that do not know, Steampunk is a sub-culture that focuses on Jules Vernian historic science-fiction where the steam engine is King. Therefore, old-timey goggles and monocles are very popular with the hipster crowd. The next hipster fashion faux pas involves anything considered vintage, no matter how hideous. Vintage clothing is usually purchased in head shops or at Goodwill and most likely found itself in said shops after having been pulled from a dumpster. Hipsters call their vintage clothing style unique even though they are all wearing the same thing. The last (and silliest) fashion trait of the hipster movement is wearing clothing that serves no practical purpose. Case-in-point, hipsters wear sweater cowls with no sweater attached, just a dumpy, ironic T-shirt underneath. Forget fingerless gloves, hipsters were glove-less fingers which are basically little, knitted tubes you slide over your fingers that attach not nothing (like the cowls). Hipsters also have an affinity for shirtsleeves with no shirt, usually held together by woven straps. Hipster fashion is probably something I will never understand.

 

 

The hipster pop-culture movement can be difficult to follow as their likes and dislikes are constantly changing. Now that you have a description, you should be able to spot a hipster from an ironic stone’s throw away. Hipsters love and are always talking about how ironic the world is, worship artists you have never heard of, and have a sense of fashion all to themselves. The question I have to ask myself is, “since I have traditionally chosen the ‘path less traveled by,' followed bands no one has ever heard of, and quote obscure movie lines, does that make me a fantastic hypocrite or their De Facto Queen?”