Random acts of stupidity (or not) performed, witnessed, aided and abetteted or possibly made up entirely by me.

I once glued $8.00 worth of pennies to a blanket because I felt like it, hid it (poorly) because I was afraid of getting in trouble and lied about it (also poorly) when busted by my mom. I think I was trying to make a flag of some-sort. I don't really know; I was five.

I once flattened an entire family of bunny-rabbits (mommie and ten-thousand teeny-tiny babies) with my car on Granville Rd. I was driving home from Purdue to eat dinner with my family, Freshman year. On Easter Sunday.

I once set my water heater ablaze when the idea struck me to cleverly fix that annoying drip, drip, drip with an extremely flammable plumbing adhesive called Stop Leak. It made a movie-quality "whooosh" sound, but I digress. I then, cleverly mind you, dumped five gallons of water on the flames to put out the fire. And the pilot light. Alcohol may or may not been involved. I do remember for sure that the bill from the plumber I hired (and lied to about what actually happened) gave me a bill for $73.50.

While traveling through Europe I once descended the wrong side of a mountain and landed myself in a completely different country, without any money (would have been for the wrong country anyway, I had Francs not lire), or my passport. Funny how: when you think you are in France, Italian sounds a hell-of-a-lot like Spanish. Hol-friggin-la!

I once went into the boys locker room at Fountain Central because I was invited (stop thinking dirty thoughts, I was in 6th grade, PedoBear!). Besides, I wanted to see what it looked like in there. But then I got caught, or rather the douche that invited me told everyone and our cheerleading sponsor found out. Thanks for going easy on me, Bonnie Wolf.

I once (with a few accomplices) went to Chicago on a school day and drove on Lake Shore Drive before I had my license. It was the first and only time I've cried whilst driving 80 MPH.

I once hid a ferret in my parents' house for three months without them knowing. I was strictly forbade from owning a ferret. Some pals and I rescued her from a very dangerous environment. After I brought her home, I just couldn't give her up. I miss Mo.

I once peed in a park and slept on a bench when I couldn't find my way back to my hostel. In London. (At least the people that called me a homeless wanker spoke English and gave me a gyro).

I once was forcibly removed from a live production of Rockey Horror Picture Show. That, in itself, deserves a trophy of some sort.

I once went to Paddington Station in London (different trip all together) and bought a ticket for the first train leaving. I found myself in Dover, England (as in The White Cliffs of...) and had the time of my life. I stayed four days and even took a day-trip to France while I was there. I toured Dover Castle and the amazing network of WWII caves underneath. I made a friend I'm still in contact with as of today.

I once adopted a de-scented skunk as a pet and had her stolen from me by a bunch of dicks that burgled my house. I named her after a Phish song (Reba) and taught her how to sit up and beg. I miss her too.

I once sang the National Anthem for a crowd of a couple thousand basketball fans (Sectional Semi-finals at Attica High School) and almost had a stroke. At least I didn't forget the friggin words. The Trueloves might still have that disaster on video (makes mental not to ask).

I once followed Phish for two months just because I could (and was young and stupid). I ran out of money in a few weeks and had to get creative to feed myself (paid for my tix ahead of time, thank God). I sold cigarettes, beer and water and lived in a Geo Metro with a lesbian that called herself Moonbeam. I went 11 days without a shower and learned this valuable lesson; patchouli is not a substitute for soap.

I once got addicted to E-bay (can you say Coach? D&B?) and had to have my loving husband cut me off by changing my password for me. Still clean to this day although.......

I once met a man (Falco Rex) on an internet message board. He became my mortal enemy. We fought and argued but eventually joined forces (proverbially) to punish others who dared to challenge us and our beliefs. We drew a rather large group of followers from eight different countries (minions, we called them) and eventually built our own website for trolling and flaming the noooooobs. As we grew closer, he confided in me that he was unhappy where he was living in New Hampshire and wished he could just start over somewhere else. I was living by myself with Audrey the kitty, my crazy cat lady days still in my distant future, so I offered one of my two spare rooms to him if he'd like to make the move to cow country and be my roommate. The first time we met in person was when I picked him up at the downtown Indianapolis bus station. Six years later and we're still in contact, I usually just call him "Hubby".

Authors note; this is not how we usually dress. The photographer happened to catch us on our way to church.
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