People often get annoyed with me; not for any one reason in particular, I just annoy people. I annoy people from my parent's home town to the point that I received threatening, disparaging emails for about a month. These emails called me a traitor to my family and a two-faced ####. I only bring it up because someone close to me called me by the same name tonight for posting a clever photo about gun control. On facebook.

I have said it once, which should be enough but some people are rather dim, I will go ahead and say it again: if you don't like your facebook notifications, that you personally set-up, then why don't you change it? I make changes to mine all the time, I can teach you how to hide me if you can't figure out how. If you are offended, enraged, or otherwise injured by looking a meme making light of stupidity then just take me the hell out of your feed. Ta-fecking-da! Problem solved.

I get tired of people bitching about me wanting to save the world like it's some sort of social sin.  Besides, I don't save the world, I save people. I know helping people is quite unfashionable right now with some crowds but it is what I do and what I've always done. I learned that from my parents; they always take care of those in need around them. Don't like it? Piss off.

I love how a few people think that just because I come from so-called republican money, I am some sort of back-stabbing, money-stealing whore that cares more about minorities and abused animals than good God-fairing white folk. I am accused of disappointing my family by becoming a bed-wetting liberal. Well, guess what? I don't want to have to identify with the moderate Dems but everyone to the right of the isle (everyone who counts anyway) seems to have lost their minds and I therefore can no longer relate to them anymore. So here we are.

All I can ask is that I am accepted for who I am: someone who helps and doesn't just talk about helping. I help real people everyday whether it is giving rides to Lafayette Transitional Housing, job interviews, or just help with grocery shopping for those who can't. I also assist with job training and babysitting so residents at our shelter can actively seek employment. I organize clothing and baby accessory drives to help families obtain the items they need to keep their kids warm and clean when they move into their transitional homes. I volunteer as much time as I can, God knows I can't just write a check to make their lives easier, so they get my time instead.

Now, I have taken some serious verbal abuse for volunteering at the shelter. I am told that as long as people like me help "them" then "they" will never help themselves, lazy pricks. But when it comes down to kids eating or not eating, I'm going to do what I can to make sure kids eat. So, you may hate me for helping people that no one else will help but I like it. I'm not going to stop doing it. And why are you even reading this if you are one of the name-calling haters? Read something uplifting about what the other side is doing like how the sequester will destroy all your working poor neighbors so they will loose their homes and go away, finally. Read something more along your speed like how GLTB kids are getting bullied in schools at an alarming rate that is growing exponentially. Read about our aging Baby-Boomers have to choose between medicine and food (lousy freeloaders). Read about how Religious-based hospitals can choose to murder a laboring mother with a dead fetus inside of her because that is what our government allows (until 2014, that is). I know that's what SOME OF you really like.

This is an open letter to all my readers: feel free to comment below.

 

So I am babysitting for a couple I know today while they are out on a date. He has been such a good baby all day long. At the time of writing this (scribbled on my flowered notepad) I'd had four-and-a-half hours of peaceful, happy baby. An occasionally hungry, poopy, and burpy baby; but a happy baby nevertheless.

One reason, I believe, we've both joyed the day and had so little fussy is partially in thanks to a product called MOBY: The Mobile Baby wrap system. MOBY is a strip of soft stretchy material  about thirty inches in width feet long. Okay, not 90 but I bet it's close to twenty, trust me: it's long. Women from Africa and Asia have been utilizing a MOBY-like wrap for eons and after trying it, am completely and totally sold on this concept of baby-wearing.

Yes baby-wearing. If it sounds like something people that eat their own placentas after childbirth are making popular on Etsy then you  are probably right. Nevertheless, this product is MOBY wrap system in available in all colors and patterns and are to be worn over a nursing shirt or regular shirt (make it a long one or tuck it in).

The cloth wraps and crosses the thorax and abdomen of the wearer, creating a 3-strap sling or harness to hold baby virtually anywhere on the front of your body, anywhere mom would normally carry her. And in case you weren't aware, baby wearing is much easier than baby carrting. In fact, my original notes for this essay were all made with a pen and paper whilst I had an infant strapped to my chest, his head resting on my shoulder as he sleeps. It is the ultimate hands-free experience for moms and nannies!

The instruction booklet for the MOBY (comes with the system and can be found on-line)  is an absolute necessity unless you already know how to tie one of these wraps. I took me several tries tro get it just right. You will need to practice befor placing a real-live baby in there. You can praqctice with a stuffed animal, doll, or very snall dog. I would not, as a catowner, recomend you practice with a cat.

Possitioning the feet correctly was the hardest for me. Baby gets a little shouty shen you crumple up their legs for too long. They get leg cramps too, you know. So I try to shift baby's feet and legs every 15-20 minutes, even if he is sleeping.

The bookless outlines exactly how to wear and use the MOBY; there are two ways of wrapping and several ways to stow baby in the safest place ever. Always assure that baby's face is visible with shin up. Knees should be above the hips and if one foot is out, the other should be out too.. Never leave baby unattended while in MOBY. :)





As I sead before, there are two methods of wrapping MOBY and you will choose which one you and baby like best after some practice and test runs. I love this product and would recommend it to anyone with a baby.

Zombie movies are about people who deal with zombies but this movie is about the zombie experience. They finally got " Zombies Are  People Too" right, right? Where the Romero remake of Land of the Dead failed so miserably,  Warm Bodies had me bawling twenty minutes in and laughing throughout. Instead of grabbing you by the neck and screaming into your ear that zombies can be a culture, this movie leads you there gently with light narration and intriguing camera framing. Aside from the cacophony of coughing in the theater, this movie had me completely immersed. The pace is burning, the plot lines: solid. Warm Bodies is, in my opinion, the "Feel Good Zombie Movie of the Year." Not since Zombieland, have we laughed and cried so hard. Kudos to Jonathan Levine for a job well done. Pay especial attention to Daily Show correspondent Rob Corddry as the best friend. What? You think zombies don't have best friends? Racist.

Hipsters Unite, or whatever...

The Goths of the 1990’s and Emo kids of the 2000’s have either joined society as productive citizens or the newest popular social movement. Enter the hipsters, easily identified by unwashed, androgynous hair styles and hand-made T-shirts bearing quotes from movies YOU have never heard of. A room temperature Pabst Blue Ribbon in hand, hipsters usually gather in uncool places and converse about uncool topics, because it is cool for them to do so. Hipsters have three prominent characteristics: they use the word “irony” incessantly (and often incorrectly), avoid anything considered culturally “mainstream”, and have a fashion sense that hovers somewhere between homeless cartoon-pirate and seventeenth century scientist. When driving by the record store, you might ask yourself, “are those people standing outside hipsters?” The following essay can help you make the distinction.

 

Let the profiling begin: members of the hipster culture love the word “irony”. First of all, the definition of the word irony (using verbiage that implies an opposite meaning, often for the effect of humor) is usually lost on this crowd. They apply the word to any situation that could be considered remotely coincidental, then pat each other on the back for being so ironic and creative. Hipsters might even refer to burnt toast as ironic, in an ironic manner. Confused yet? Secondly, hipsters bring irony to whole new level by labeling inanimate objects as symbols of irony. T-shirts with no words or graphics are ironic T-shirts (I thought they were Hanes). A piano bench with a piece of barn wood sitting on it can be ironic as well. I wonder how many ironic objects I have in my home right now; I could be sitting on a mountain of irony and not even know it. Thirdly, any mustache (real or fake) is now an ironic mustache to the hipster. A sharpie mustache drawn on a person or object is considered especially ironic for some reason. I googled “ironic mustache” and received 1,300,000 results from my request. That is quite a few ironic mustaches.

 

 

In addition to misplaced irony, the hipster movement subscribes to a particular and delicately balanced fan base. To begin, hipsters prefer “underground” pop-culture and abhor anything that can be considered “mainstream” or popular. They sing the praises of bands, books, and movies that average people have never heard of. Once their favorite hipster heroes become popular and start collecting paychecks, they are quickly abandoned by their hipster brethren. The sense of irony is lost on the culture responsible for placing those heroes in the public spotlight. In addition to simply avoiding mainstream pop-culture, hipsters spend huge chunks of time rehashing how they were in to “fill in the blank” before anyone else. Instead of celebrating the fact that their cultural movement is responsible for their heroes becoming famous, hipsters label their former idols as “sell-outs” and the newer, mainstream fan base as “drones”. The final result of the above mentioned pop-culture process is a race to first find an artist of some kind that no one else has heard of, then claim in it the name of hipsters everywhere only to denounce it three months later when the average people catch on. It is a vicious pop-culture circle in the hipster world (is it ironic that the “pop” in pop-culture stands for popular?).

The final identifying trait of the hipster is a unique sense of fashion that is neither unique or fashion. To begin, hipsters love Steampunk and Steampunk accessories. For those that do not know, Steampunk is a sub-culture that focuses on Jules Vernian historic science-fiction where the steam engine is King. Therefore, old-timey goggles and monocles are very popular with the hipster crowd. The next hipster fashion faux pas involves anything considered vintage, no matter how hideous. Vintage clothing is usually purchased in head shops or at Goodwill and most likely found itself in said shops after having been pulled from a dumpster. Hipsters call their vintage clothing style unique even though they are all wearing the same thing. The last (and silliest) fashion trait of the hipster movement is wearing clothing that serves no practical purpose. Case-in-point, hipsters wear sweater cowls with no sweater attached, just a dumpy, ironic T-shirt underneath. Forget fingerless gloves, hipsters were glove-less fingers which are basically little, knitted tubes you slide over your fingers that attach not nothing (like the cowls). Hipsters also have an affinity for shirtsleeves with no shirt, usually held together by woven straps. Hipster fashion is probably something I will never understand.

 

 

The hipster pop-culture movement can be difficult to follow as their likes and dislikes are constantly changing. Now that you have a description, you should be able to spot a hipster from an ironic stone’s throw away. Hipsters love and are always talking about how ironic the world is, worship artists you have never heard of, and have a sense of fashion all to themselves. The question I have to ask myself is, “since I have traditionally chosen the ‘path less traveled by,' followed bands no one has ever heard of, and quote obscure movie lines, does that make me a fantastic hypocrite or their De Facto Queen?”

 

Why Education Is Important to Today’s Society.

Now more than ever, people of all ages around the country and abroad, are flocking to college campuses in droves. The economy is circling the proverbial toilet bowl and the job market is fully saturated. Homeowners owe more on their mortgages than their houses are currently worth. The majority of American voters have completely lost faith in government at the Federal level. Yet, one asset we still have as a country (in the Midwest, especially) is excellent colleges abound. US cities and countrysides are virtually peppered with institutions of higher learning. The people who survive this national economic event will have taken advantage of time off work or government stimulus to further their education, and the country will be better because of it. Education is important in today’s society because it is education that will see us through this mess by opening doors to new experiences for you and those around you; improving your salary at your current job; or carving the path to your new career. Recent weeks and months have shown us much tragedy, but our own first-responders have shown us that education can equal survival.

 

To begin, the decision to further your education will open the door to new experiences, like meeting new people, joining clubs, and attending community events. Meeting new people at school is the first step in forming professional relationships with future coworkers. Knowing there are people you like to interact with makes studying more fun and helps drive healthy competition because you are all working toward a common goal. There is also the possibility that you may get to work with some of them as well, so it never hurts to make some friends. The next opportunity to open doors through education lies with clubs and organizations. An academic club is an excellent entity for discovering what the upper-class-men are working on and showing you what to expect in future classes. Clubs and organizations are also great for obtaining new skills offered outside the classroom like CPR certifications and resume building workshops. The third phase of new experiences in higher education occurs when opportunities to branch out into the community arise.  For example, attending a Women in Businessc luncheon would be a great experience and opportunity to meet female business owners and professionals while participating in a seminar led by local health-care workers could introduce you to people already working in the medical field.  Exposure to new people and experiences is paramount when pursuing higher education, especially after a lapse in enrollment.

 

In addition to having new opportunities through networking, choosing to pursue higher education can result in a higher-paying salary at your current job through obtaining a certificate or license, expanding your current knowledge base, or receiving your degree. Many colleges and universities offer training programs in which the end result is a certificate, licence, or other accolades. For instance, people wishing to sell homes must first obtain a license to do so and nursing assistants need certification to perform certain duties, depending on where they work. These programs can last as little as a couple of hours, or take up to a few years to complete. Higher education can also improve your over-all knowledge in your occupation or chosen field.  Law enforcement officials, educators, sellers of insurance, and licensed pilots (to name a few) must constantly stay up-to-day with ever changing laws and regulations. Being the first employee at your firm with premiere business strategies and updated procedure methods make you more valuable to your bosses and is often awarded monetarily. Now that you have obtained additional certification and expanded your knowledge base in your field of choice, you might as well stay on and get that degree! Receiving your degree, or multiple degrees, can do nothing but improve your station at work and therefore, in lcife. With new degrees often come new job titles, promotions, and an increase in pay and is that not why we are all here? Sally Struthers nailed it when she said, “do you want to make more money? Sure. We all do!” If you did not read that aloud in Sally Struthers' voice, I am very disappointed in you.

 

Finally, some people (including myself) choose to further their educations because they wish to start completely over in a new work environment, a new job description, and a better career. First of all, certain occupations are wrought with the same day-today experiences and typical routines; they become boring or tedious after awhile regardless of employer. Obtaining a degree can open up the possibility to work under a brand new set of circumstances in a different type of environment in a completely new field. To continue, possessing a degree can land you a job title you may have never considered or even heard of before. “Hi. I’m Eileen and and I am the director of pharmaceutical inventory management and patient care relations specialists, please step into my office.” You think you can get a title (or office) such as this without a degree? I think not. Finally, there is arguably few events in life more exciting than the prospect of starting a better career.

A change of pace is almost always good; new-found respect, promotions, and titles are even better; yet nothing can top waking up in the morning knowing you are headed to a job you love, that will love you back. Ask anyone who has been there and they will tell you, “it is totally worth it.”

    There can be no doubt that the world is in a frightening state at the moment and is bound to get worse before it gets better. With all the opportunities to improve ourselves intellectually, there is simply no excuse to accept that we are given a “station in life.” We, as a nation of young and old, must face the reality that higher learning could be our salvation. I think it is time we, as a nation, decide to stop complaining about the dire straits and commit ourselves to making it better.

How to write an essay

An essay is a collection of words and paragraphs that presents itself in an organized manner in triplet form. Essays can be easy to write when creativity is stifled and sentence structure remains as sterile and inelegant as possible. Proper essays contain three main sections: an introduction, a body, and conclusion. The three main sections of the essay are then sub-divided into threes to complete the mathematical and literary function.

 

The first paragraph in an essay is the introduction. The intro-paragraph should include opening remarks on the subject, the continued mental capacity to count to three, and a developed  thesis statement. To begin, opening remarks are thoughts and ideas from the writer based on the essay subject. Secondly, the ability to count to three is required to continue the three points that will compose the body of the essay. Thirdly, the thesis must incorporate the three points.

 

To continue, the second portion of the essay (the body) should contain three paragraphs detailing the three points outlined earlier. The first paragraph of the body will contain information concerning the first point. The second paragraph should highlight the second point. The third paragraph will explain the third point, and transitional phrases are required throughout and should be based on the integer  “3.”

 

As a finale, the closing  paragraph in the essay will regurgitate the three main points detailed in the body. One sentence will contain a paraphrased list of the main points taken directly from the introduction. The second sentence could contain personal remarks on the subject or issue. The third sentence in the conclusion should be omitted completely as it might upset the delicate balance of 15% intro, 10% conclusion.

To summarize essay writing: first write bleak or desolate descriptions of the topic in as few words as possible. Next, organize the three main points into a single sentence that is neither complicated nor meaningful. Then finally, close the essay with an arbitrary quote or concept that is neither remarkable nor noteworthy.  

Makes me wish I had just slept in

I have been sitting back idly, watching, waiting, and reading, staying mostly silent as I "take it all in."

When I woke up yesterday the news was already on. I've taken to falling asleep with one news network or another droning on in the background pretty-much all the time so it wasn't a surprise that talking heads were the first thing I saw upon waking. I was surprised, however that said heads were talking about something other than the "cliff" or the "slope" or whatever. Right away I knew something was very wrong, that something very very bad had just happened.

Usually, when I first wake up in the morning, I spend a few minutes reacquainting myself with the waking world, separating the fractured memories of recent dreams from the reality of the day. I snatch a sliver of dream out of the air a moment before it floated out of reach, to disappear forever. The second-long dream that I barely remember consists of one thing and one thing only: children flying.

Ten, Twelve, I don't know how many children flew over my head, holding hands and screaming (with joy, pain, sorrow?). They flew over my head in V-formation; I had to duck to keep from getting kicked by a tiny dangling sneaker spangled in pink and blue hearts. I ducked and by the time I stood up to look, they were banking right and flying, literally, off into the sunset. After the briefest moment, they were gone.

I rubbed my eyes and sat down to watch, what I absolutely knew was going to be, the ensuing horror.