Scenes

Sh*t I see from my front porch...

Thanks to the break from crappy weather I was finally able to enjoy my font porch for the first time this Spring thus closing out my St. Patrick's Day in typical partygirl fashion. Sitting with my four cats as company and having a nightcap I watch the evening unfold.

The week so far had been rather rough with two final projects due and hours of studying for next week's exams coupled with the fact I haven't been sleeping well. And when I say "well" I mean very very little. And when I say "very very little" I mean not at all (just ask the bags under my eyes and lines on my face that I had no idea existed until recently).

I was fortunate enough to attend a social gathering in the evening for great food, thought provoking conversation and beer that might or might not have contained green olives (the beer itself wasn't green, something about the dye doesn't agree withe me. Perhaps it reminds me of how filthy the Chicago river looks when she's dyed green. Yuck!).

After returning home I made my little camp on thee porch (where I'm again sitting now) so I could enjoy my nightcap, my kitties and the sights, sounds and smells of the neighborhood. I'm again and again amazing by what transpires right in from of my house.

I saw what looked like a drug deal take place on the playground across the street (either that or the shifty gentleman under the monkey bars was selling boot-leg copies of Windows 7 whilst his companion in the late 90's Caprice Classic complete with $2,000.00 spinner rims looked on with interest). Two dudes sauntered up to each other slowly, nodding their heads this way and that. They spoke briefly, exchanged what each of them had in their pockets, nodded some more and parted ways. One gentleman walked off into the darkness while the other returned to the car.

I saw several vehicles full of St. Paddy's Day party-goers with arms waving out windows plus the occasional driver who had one hand over his left eye so he could see the road a wee better. I saw four. Four. Police Cruisers coast up to the red light at Kossuth and Main before flipping their lights on to idle through the intersection, continuing to coast at 10-15 MPH for a couple of blocks before rolling slowly out of view. I thought a saw a little bunny rabbit strike one of the cruisers from behind.

I saw a black Lincoln limo pull over so a girl could puke in my neighbor's yard. The other occupants tossed a sack of garbage out the door before dragging Pukey McPuke-face back into the car. I hope that poor girl gets the vomit stains out of her hidious bride's maid dress. On a side note, a couple I had the pleasure of sharing fellowship with tonight was celebrating their 11th wedding anniversary. I hope I'll be able to spend as many years with my falcon.

I heard a kitty-cat mewling at the door and it looked like my Audrey was locked outside. I went out to coax her though the door and she just wouldn't come to me even though I called and brought her a treat. I finally lunged and caught her. As I was carrying her back to the house I noticed something strange. "Strange" being that the cat in my arms was definably not my cat. I had my suspicions when the cat I was currently toting seemed a bit heavy and that her fur wasn't quite as soft as it should be. My suspicions were confirmed when I saw my Audrey-girl in the window. She and the other three cats were pitching a huge fit! It's almost like I could hear them screaming "don't bring that thing in here! Admiral Akbar thinks it's a trap". So I set the little guy down and pet him for a few (yeah, guy, un-nuetered male :( ) and gave him a can of my best chow then sent him on his way. Home hopefully.


I saw people jogging, people biking,a dude on skates wearing a patch work quilt as a cape. I'm not sure if he was wearing pants. I saw a cop pull a taxi over. I think I caught a glimpse of the fox that chills in our neighbor's yard from time to time.

I saw a girl sporting a backpack and a big 'ol duffel bag, an over-pronounced limp and no purse. I worried that she might be in trouble but something about the scenario didn't seem right to me. Akbar's clever words echo in my ears.

My options flip though my brain like toilet paper on the roll when you accidentally spin it wrong way. I wonder if she's running away (because that's exactly what it looks like) from an abusive person. I wonder if she's scared or hurt but I also wonder if she was setting someone up. So I kinda crept across the parking lot and hid on the playground where it would be nice and echo-y when I started to yell.

"Yo! You with the big bag, are you okay over there?"

She immediately looks around, "Where are you?"

Crouching I yell, "you need help?"

She's still looking around for the source of my voice, "Where you at? You live around here? Which house is your's"


I am so outta there. Something just did not seem right about this girl. I scamper as low as my current level of physique will allow, back to my house where I slip in the door unnoticed. I watch her from the porch. The girl throws down her bags and makes a phone call but the only word I hear is "hurry" (she's still looking around for me). A sedan full of men pulls out of a nearby ally and picks her up a moment later. She tosses those "heavy" bags into the back seat and hops in after. I've noticed her limp has completely disappeared. They quickly drive away. Off to grift someone else, I guess.

My neighborhood is an endless source of entertainment.

Edit; as Hubby and I enjoyed dinner at cousin Mike's Maple Corner in Covington last week we overheard the bartender and a server debating on the recipe of Irish Coffee. Coffee, cream, Jamison? Coffee, Baileys, whiskey?.... Coffee, a Lucky Strike and a bowl of dirt?

My Joshua piped up and asked "Anyone know what's in a Northern Irish Coffee?"

Everyone shrugged and looked at him like he was crazy.

"C-4, potatoes and peat moss."

And then he walked out of the building not even waiting for a response (or for me).

......Still snickering over that.